Letters to the Past

Dear C,

It has been about 195 days since I last saw you. How have you been? I could still remember how upset I was when you left without telling me. And it was on the day of our Graduation Night. It was supposed to be a happy day, but yet, when you didn’t appear, my mood totally changed. I was sad, yet angry. But then again, after days of thoughts, I realised there was no reason for me to be upset. It was not like you belong to me, it was not like you’re my close friend. You were just barely a stranger that I fell for three years ago.

Do you still remember? On 7 April 2008. I plucked up all the courage I had to tell you how I felt. But you kinda just brushed it away. I was fine though, ‘cos I’m a strong girl. During that time, it was just a like a little crush that many people of our age would have. So I felt it was no big deal to e rejected. And that year just passed, with us both still strangers.

2009, was a much better year. We became closer. At least now I could say we are friends. But we still walked pass each other without saying much. Do you know something? The necklace you gave me for my birthday, the chain broke. But I still kept it. Oh yeah, that day I went to send you off at the airport, I was extremely nervous. I don’t know why. And you certainly thought I was weird. Sending you off just to pass you a letter. You were like, “You came all the way to Changi Airport just to pass me this?” And in my head was, ‘Actually, not really. I came here because of you. The letter was just an excuse.’

Hmm, the precious moment cup is still in the box, though. I didn’t take it out at all. It’s not that I didn’t care about it. But it’s a porcelain cup, and I’m afraid if I use it, I might break it.

Secondary four was the year we all matured much more. We talked more. And sometimes even walked to school together. Your birthday card, Melissa, Melody and I spent about three weeks on it, but it was worth it. You were happy on your birthday.

But it was also in that same year, I had feelings that I could never forget. You called me early in the morning, just to tell me you fell in love with my best friend? That hurt. A lot. I cried that whole morning, and even when we spoke over the phone. But I doubt you realised, anyway. Well, I help you win her over in the end, just to see that bright smile on your face. That made me happy. But a few weeks later when you guys broke up, I was as depressed as you both were.

Sometimes, I would be thinking to myself. It is time to give up and let go. But…it’s not easy. Every time I try, the more I would be thinking of you. And that totally defeats the purpose, right? That day we had our O’ level Chinese Listening Comprehension, you saw me crying. Yes, it was because of you. But it wasn’t your fault.

Even though I cried many times because of you, I still don’t regret meeting you. There are also times you made me smile and laugh. I don’t wish to turn back time or change anything because I treasure every single memory between us and whatever happened made me who I am. I’m happy right now, and there’s this other guy that really important to me.

So how are you in Taiwan right now? Starting school soon in the States? Oh yeah, that post you had on Facebook, about getting tattoos and piercings, I SERIOUSLY DISAGREE WITH IT. But oh well, do whatever you want. I just hope that if we do meet someday on the streets or something, we’ll be able to say(at least) a ‘hi’ to each other.

with much love,

Me.